So...Chatham this weekend. Should be interesting to say the least. I'll update about the past few weeks later since it's nap time now.

rankmaniac

I started a new job. I know am a cashier type person at Olga's at the mall. Though I don't really work the cashier since I haven't been taught yet. I just prepare things really, drinks, salads, soup, fries, etc. It's not so bad really. I have my third day of it tomorrow night. And then I work on Thursday night as well.

School is lame as usual, exams are coming up a lot. I did poorly on my cognitive psychology midterm.

I should be reading chapter 8 of criminal justice so that I only have to do chapter 7 tomorrow so I'm ready for my exam on Wednesday. Then I have to prepare for my archeology exam on Monday and my child development exam sometime next week. But screw next week, lets have it be friday.

I don't have to work friday, I get to go home, dye alissa's hair. and get ready to go to detroit for the chiodos, escape the fate, alesana, and silverstein show, where we get to meet up with the canadian boys. and then afterwards we all are going to windsor for the night to drink and whatever. i really have no details on that at all, but whatever, i'm fine with it.

But I'm going to go back to criminal justice.

I'mma update more, I promises

So this past weekend I went home. It was alright, was kinda weird to be home for more than a half hour since in the past few months I've only been at my house for an hour at most because really we just go there to meet up or switch cars when going to Canada.

The first day was good, a small group of us went out bowling and to dinner. There was Alissa, Danielle, Ryan, and myself. Now for those that don't know, Alissa, Danielle and I were best friends in middle school and freshman year of Highschool, though Danielle went into home schooling at the end of middle school. So really the three of us hadn't hung out in a long time. After bowling we went out to eat, and Alissa and I told Danielle about all our boy dramas. Ryan (who is Danielle's boyfriend) would just shake his head and laugh, commenting on how weird it was that girls could just spill such intimate details about their lives in a 20 minute session.

Around 9:30 they realized they had left their puppy in the crate for at least four hours now, so they decided it was best to head home. Alissa and I then ended up at Ram's Horn until 11:30ish. We ranted and people watched, along with eating some dessert.

She dropped me off at my place and I went to bed around 5. Got up, dressed, etc. Went out with Alissa to dinner and a movie and dessert around 5. We ended up missing our 6:30 showing so we decided on the 7:20. We ended up going over to bed bath and beyond to look at things and work on planning out our apartment. We went over to the movies at about 7:15. Paid for things, got in and watched it. We ended up seeing my best friend's girl, which was alright, but a bit of a disappointment for what we wanted.

We then went over to big boy's and repeated the process of the night before of people watching and dessert.

Today she picked me up around 1:45 and dropped me off back at school. Once again, we discussed our boy issues. It's really nice to have her around because we know each others situations since we're always there for it.

Dear life...

You're a fucking bitch.

Now then, why do I say this? Because shortly after posting my last blog I was talking to Brian and all of sudden he says...

"listen, bernadette, i hate to say this, because you're a really nice girl, but i really do not think that i am capable of a relationship of the caliber that you keep implying. i am not a good person. i lack the patience to keep up with your moods, and i cannot give you all the attention that you desire. i apologize, but its purely because i am not good people. i hope you understand this."

Oh fuck it, I'll post the rest that was said...

"i don't understand though"
"i am not emotionally ready to give you the attention you deserve. i think we should take a break from talking for a while, and hopefully we can just become friends."
"so you are just like everyone else...i really was hoping that you weren't...but i was wrong again"
"i completely apologize, but i believe that you are correct. don't hate me too much."
"i can't hate you, i like you. i like you a lot and i just..i don't know."
"i'm going to take off though
i hope i didn't hurt you too much"
"yeah, you did."
"i'm sorry."
"i'm just..i'm confused, i'm overall upset not just at you but everything"
"i do have to go though
goodbye"

I was upset and spent a few hours writing something up, I sent this to him because as I saw it, he misintereperted what I've been saying into "I want to date you blah blah blah".

"I decided to wait until the next day to send this. But I wrote it within an hour of you leaving. I just…I feel like you misinterpreted what I said. I don’t want anything past friendship right now, I’m going through a hard time obviously and just couldn’t deal with the stress of a relationship past that right now, maybe some other time sure, but not now. I mean, I just met you on Saturday, I’m not that quick to jump into a relationship. It kinda caught me at a bad time because I’ve been really up and down lately, but I really would like it if we could keep talking and possibly hang out. That’s really what I’ve been meaning to say."

I went to bed and when I got up from my nap after my psych class this morning he had responded, and I just....I don't know how to react about what he said.

"listen, i can't be involved in this. i'm sorry, but i don't think i can handle your mood swings. don't take this the wrong way, but maybe we should just not be friends. i'm sorry."

Honestly, it's not fucking mood swings. It's just the fact that my serotonin levels get screwed up the day before and the day after my period and I get depressed. Then I'm fine. I'm fine today afterall, I want to meet up with him and talk to him about it, but I don't know if that's a good idea or not. I'll talk to our friend that we met each other through tonight, she said she's going to something that I'm going to tonight, so I'll see what she says.

I'm going to wait till tomorrow to talk to him. See how that goes.

It's been a while

But I haven't really had anything to say.

Classes are alright, it's fucking cold outside and I hate it. My dad leaves for three months for work this week, he's coming up in a few hours so we can go out to dinner. Theres also a boy for those that don't know. Lemme recap that whole situation...

So a few weeks back one of my friend's invited me to his 21st birthday party. And I was like "oh, nice. I'll defiently go." and considering the theme was plaid and rad I was even happier because I love plaid (and rad in this kids world consist of neckbears, fingerless gloves, awesome bands, whiskey).

So I get there and was a bit lost at first but I found the place. Went up, said happy birthday, we talked a bit. I had made gloves for the occasion (cuffgloves as he calls them, fingerless gloves that are cut off at the knuckles), and he gave me a coupon to go get my cup from cup girl.

The first half hour I was there was mehish, I only knew two people and both of which were busy. I met some people but they were also busy running around so it was more so just me standing around sipping my drink. About 10:20 though this really hot kid came in and I wanted to talk to him but I had a feeling I wouldn't. One of my other friends that I knew was going to come showed up, so I hung out with her. Oddly enough, she knew the guy I saw earlier. She started a picture of me because she thought I was just plain adorable, and coincidentally this guy decided to squat a bit to get in the picture and make fun of my height. The boy's effing 6'3", while I'm 5'3". This is how I met the ever so amazing Brian. We started talking a lot after that picture was taken, eventually it came down to him, one of my friend's friends, and me talking in a small circle rather than the group of 6 of us. Eventually she left and it was just us talking. I talked to him for pretty much the rest of the night, unless we had to go to the bathroom. Which is when I would have to hold his cup. He eventually took my cup because he thought I was going to pass out because I would lean up against him a bit because I did feel like I was going to a small bit, and also to see what would happen.

Eventually when the third keg came down he grabbed my arm and brought me near the front with him. Being much smaller I was able to get my cup up quicker then him, but ended up grabbing his arm and putting it next to mine, and he looked down at me and smiled before kissing my nose. I looked at the ground because I was blushing and had no idea how to react or how to interpret it. I found out later that he thought that meant I thought he was weird and didn't like that. Eventually we got out and continued talking. My friend said she was going to leave soon so we had a few pictures of the three of us taken, which are pretty bad. Him and I went upstairs because the basement was bothering us, can't remember why, and she hadn't left yet which we laughed about. We just stood in a corner in the kitchen talking some more, eventually I asked him if he'd take me to my bus stop so I wouldn't get raped. I had him keep track of time for me the whole night since I didn't have my phone on me, though it was in my coat which was buried under about 50 other coats. I had told him I should be leaving between 1:30 and 2. So when I asked him he looked at me and said he'd love to walk me back. I hugged him, and pulled back which was when he kissed me. I was completly shocked about that, I kissed him back and we kept with that for about 10 minutes. We then finished our drinks, correction, I poured majority of mine into his and had about a mouthful left in mine. So once we finished up we left.

We talked more on the way out, and when we finally got to my stop he started kissing me again. I won't lie, he's really good at kissing. Though it was a bit weird since he's a whole foot taller than me. So my bus came and I expected him to leave but he actually followed me on and I was like "what are you doing?" and he told me he was going to go home with me. Which I was of course perfectly fine with, since it meant I could talk to him more, plus other things.

So we got back and I let him in, and we sat around talking about everything and anything from 2 am till about 4 am. Then we changed to get ready for bed, and things digressed from there. (Those that are reading this that I know, that want to know what exactly happened, I'll be more than willing to tell you).

We didn't sleep much...Correction, I didn't sleep much. I slept from about 4:30 to 5. I think...Maybe 5-6. Then it got really hot in my room so I opened the window. I was against the wall before I got up so I wasn't too badly off comfort wise I think I just wasn't used to spooning, which I'd never done in my life prior to then.

Then of course I was on the outside after that, which meant for most of the night I was being pushed off. And then around 7 or 8 am I felt nauseated, had to wake him up to ask how to deal with the hang over. Threw his shirt on and my shorts back on, went to the bathroom, got some water, drank about half of it (1 gallon jug), stayed in there for about 10 minutes. Came back, took his shirt off, told him he smelled really good and I hadn't realized it before. Then laid awake for awhile. Eventually I fell asleep for a bit, we both woke up at 10 am. Kissed a bit more, switched sides and fell back asleep for another hour. Then he left about 15 minutes after we got up again. Got dressed, made fun of my room being messy (which I cleaned because of him). Sat with him for a few minutes kissing, he promised to see me later this week but had to go study for an exam he had Tuesday. I was sad that he had to go, but I had to study for my monday psych exam too. He was supposed to take me out for coffee sunday, but since we both had to study I found it to be fine.

I was busy Monday so I couldn't then. Today he was busy with classes and finishing homework. Similar with tomorrow. Thursday maybe, Friday maybe, Saturday maybe, Sunday who knows. I'm hoping to see him soon. It'd be nice. Espically since I would like to know where we stand relationship wise and talk about if it'll go anywhere now, because I would really like it to. Afterall, we both admitted to liking each other while sober. I miss him quite a bit.

We talked on the phone earlier, it was nice. Made me feel less depressed, because I'm semi depressed right now for numerous reasons, but he does make me feel better.

We'll see where things go.